Anyways, if I was a mom (which could happen if I'm to believe the movie Junior), I'd be pissed about the new Hallmark commercials for Mother's Day, which I've shared below.

To me, this video portrays moms as a group of needy, whiny women who NEED constant moral re-enforcement and self-esteem building. Without you telling them all the things they NEED to hear, they're a weak shell of a woman who can't get anything done.

Now, imagine this commercial if they changed the tag from '...for everything moms need to hear' to '...for everything moms deserve to hear.' All of a sudden you're doing what you, as a child, SHOULD be doing. Thanking, rewarding, encouraging and supporting the moms in our lives is something that every child/spouse/friend/whatever should do because they want to...out of gratitude. Not something they feel they should do because Hallmark wants us to believe that it's something moms need to hear or they won't be able to function.

I say it's a fail. What do you think?

Oh, and here's his review of CiCi's Pizza. 

He says he will be a 'solid customer going back.' So what was he the first time? Liquid?

What do I mean?

How about I break it down in convenient, attention-grabbing, social media friendly bullet points. Here are five reasons restaurants will get frustrated with Yelp and the people who use it:

1. You are dealing with people who don't like your food. . .anywhere. It's not uncommon for me to check out a place on Yelp, and a one- or two-star review will say something along these lines: "I didn't really care for the food, but I'm not a fan of (insert restaurant's cuisine)." I've seen people say they don't like raw fish, and then one-star a sushi joint if they didn't like the sashimi they ordered. I've also seen a vegetarian one-star a steakhouse for not offering a vegetarian option. These are facts. Shitty, shitty facts. 
2. You are dealing with people who don't care or understand your vision. This is a pretty good example (and the inspiration behind this post) of a restaurant owner and chef responding to someone who didn't understand the concept. At home, someone may prep their grilled chicken and spaghetti the exact same way they'd prepare their spaghetti and meatballs. The fact that careful planning of taste, texture, etc. went into that menu item you're so very proud of never occurs to them. Misunderstandings also happen. A local Neapolitan pizza place has been skewered for not making proper New York style pizza. Neapolitan pizza and New York style pizza aren't the same, amigos, that's why it's different.  
3. You are dealing with people who know more about your food than you. Welcome to the internet. We're a bunch of experts on everything. Wikipedia, food blogs and social media have helped create a generation of people quick to use the term 'foodie' when describing themselves (I am also guilty). Thing is, we don't know what we're talking about. That BBQ expert trying your brisket for the first time may say it looks burnt when referring to the bark. That sushi expert may be surprised to find that sea urchin is supposed to be creamy...not firm. Also, farm-raised, organic chicken doesn't taste "funny" it tastes like an effing chicken. Your frozen, hormone juiced chicken breast is the one that tastes funny. 
4. You are dealing with people with a bias. I also call this the "In n Out" effect. . .also known as the "Shake Shack" and "Whataburger" effect. Brand loyalty will cause someone to not like your food no matter how fantastic the meal or how amazing the service. I've seen way too many reviews that are sunshine and puppies that conclude with 'I still prefer the food over at Competitor X better.' 
5. You are dealing with people. We're fickle bastards with emotions that control and drive us. Your best plate of food and nicest server will be a ray of sunshine to Customer X, but Customer Y is coming off a bad day at the office, a break-up and a speeding ticket. Customer Y is going to hate everything about your restaurant because they're in that kind of a mood. When they get home, they'll get on Yelp and re-live their day leading up to their meal in their review. Then, after 500 carefully chosen words NOT about your restaurant, they'll wrap it up by saying 'The food was OK,' and drop a one-star review on you. We're such an advanced species.

Cheers.

That's when things took a turn. . .

I currently run in the Brooks PureFlow. I think it's a great shoe. I've had some awesome races in them and I love their feel and fit. So when I saw another customer standing in front of the Brooks Pure display not being helped by anyone, I started the following exchange with him.

Me: That's a great shoe, I've been running in it for a few months.

Him: Oh yea? How is it for support?

Me: If you're looking for support, I think the PureCadence might be better. I would have your stride checked out though to be sure.

Him: Oh. . .what about these?

Me: Those shoes are designed for trail running. If you're going to run on the street 95% of the time or a flat surface, don't get those.

Him: No?

Me: Yea, see the treads on the bottom? It's not for street running.

At this point, the sales guy decided he should do his job. If, in fact, his job was kicking out a soon-to-be paying customer.

Sales Guy: Excuse me, sir. You can't give advice to other customers.

Me: What?

Sales Guy: You can't give advice to customers, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Me: Are you serious?

Sales Guy: Those are the rules, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Me: (Drops the four Under Armor items I was going to purchase) Ooooooooooookayyyy.

So I told a guy that he should buy a pair of running shoes for the street if he's going to run on the street. That was critical advice that if it doesn't come from someone rocking a Dick's name tag. I was a customer helping another customer when an employee wasn't doing his job. I can't take a sale away from the employee. I can't go in the back, get the pair of shoes, lace the guy up, take him to the register, take his money and give him a new pair of shoes. I can, however, provide advice when I'm asked. It's what makes me a functioning human being. I'm not a neanderthal standing in the corner avoiding responsibility until I feel threatened. As a PR professional for a Fortune 50 company (humblebrag), this is the kind of customer service nightmare I've come to dread.

I don't think the guy I was talking to stuck around to buy a pair of shoes. I certainly didn't buy my items there. The handful of people I've already shared this story with have said they won't be buying anything new from there. Who knows, maybe you won't want to do business at Dick's next time you're in the market for some new golf shirts or running shorts. I don't think that any of this is going to have an impact on their Q4, but I do think they deserve to be called out on their bullshit. 

In the end, it worked out for the best. I got Mavs/Lakers tickets for pops so he'll be checking out the AAC for the first time in a few months from half court. 

Here are a few brazen takeaways from the week:

• By the end of the week, I unfollowed just north of 200 people. So far I've followed back 11.
• I lost 3 followers, but strangely enough got 3 followers back when I started re-following. And when I say strangely enough, I mean I think it's cool you use a 3rd party auto unfollow/follow tool. 
• Compared to Day 1, I had a fraction of the retweets from Mashable on Day 7. Conclusion? Foursquare users LOVE them so Mashable.
• I saw fewer check-ins from Gowalla, Yelp, Bizzy, etc. This proves my theory that Foursquare is the gateway drug for location based apps. You start with it and slowly link and you're posting your check-ins in 4 different tweets. 
• I missed nothing of perceived value or importance. I still got updates on sports games, the weather, major national and local news events, tech stuff, etc. I may have missed some personal updates from friends, but everyone's still tweeting this week so it couldn't have been that bad, no?
• My Klout score dropped 4 points. . .does this prove that you have to have a large follower count to maintain a score? Did the mass unfollows of 20-30 at a time cause the drop? Did I simply disconnect from the people I typically engage with on a regular basis? I'm going to monitor this one this week to see if my score changes as I refollow and unfollow more people.

Truth is, they probably could have just given two shits what I was doing.

BUT

For the sake of fair play, starting next Monday, I'm going to tweet NOTHING but Foursquare check-ins. No other replies, no other tweets of value. No other check-in service. Just Foursquare for seven days. 

My prediction this time around is that I will lose significantly more followers proving that I'm not as dumb about this as my ramblings would suggest. 

For the next week, I'm going to unfollow any person that tweets a check-in using Foursquare. I'll make a note of the people I unfollow through the week and at the end of it, I'll slowly go back and re-follow those that I know I talk to regularly or who provide valuable information I'm not getting anywhere else. In the process I hope to connect with more of the people I'm following and hopefully have some more valuable conversations. The check-ins have gotten out of hand for me and I'm curious to see how much this will actually affect my social media interactions. 

Foursquare is the problem child for me and location-based social networking. It's the one I see the most. If someone checks in using a check-in service, odds are it was either preceded or followed by a Foursquare check-in as well. I will admit that I do have Foursquare, Gowalla, Bizzy and Yelp accounts and occasionally do also check-in with Facebook. Looking at my feeds you wouldn't know it because I only connect Gowalla with Foursquare. 

For those of you that I do follow that are fans of LBS integration with Twitter, I'll see you in a week. I still love you, but you're driving me crazy.

You are a social media/pr/marketing/communications professional. You work for an agency that has a roster of great clients ranging from clothing stores to restaurants to non-profits, etc. You decide you are going to show one of your clients some love and on your Twitter or Facebook you post the following:

You send it out on its merry little way, your followers/friends see it, some take you on your word and check out Magic Fun Wonderment Restaurant. Some like it, some don't - no harm done, right?

Full disclosure and transparency are the name of the game these days. You have committed a big no-no by not disclosing the praise you just gave is for a company that pays you.

Whether you were a fan before you ever took them as a client or not, it doesn't matter. You are currently on their payroll and you need to disclose as much.

I know this is going to sound super complicated and like a giant pain in the ass - but just add [client] to the beginning or end of your message or next to the actual company name.

Examples. 

Just tried the new unicorn burger from Magic Fun Wonderment Restaurant. THE BEST burger I have ever had - hands down! [client]

Get it? Not hard.

You will, at some point, get called on your bullshit. It could just be someone simply saying 'Hey, don't you work for them?' or it could be something that costs you current and future work in a very public way. Not giving disclosure is a risky gamble that may work for a while, but why put yourself, your company or your client at risk when a solution is so quick and painless? 

What do you think? Do you disclose when you're talking about a client? 

However, the Texas heat, adding 3 hours onto my normal workday and the guilt of locking up a dog again in the evening after caging him the whole day caused my strict running regimen to drop. . .drastically. I trudged through the brutal Too Hot To Handle 15k with a time almost equal to that of my worst half marathon. 

So I started working on my cardio in more home-friendly and time condensed ways. Being in an apartment, I have to be mindful of my downstairs neighbors. However, it also means I have a parking garage that is perfect for sprint intervals.

The end result was a 5k time of 21:04 (6:45 mi pace) this past weekend - my second best time ever after the hurt I put on the Dash Down Greenville (19:36) when I was in my best running shape.

Now that the hot streak has broken, I'm going to re-introduce long runs a couple times a week in my routine. For those of you that also suffer from massive time constraints, here are some workouts I've used to keep my running game as tight as it's ever been.

I cannot stress how important it is to warm-up before and after you do any of these. And for the love of all that's holy, keep hydrated. 

What you need: Jump rope, 100m flat surface, 100m incline surface 

Duration: 10 rounds for time

What you do: Sprint the incline, lunge the flat surface out and back, 50 double unders (one jump w/ the rope passing under your feet twice), jog back down incline DO NOT REST and start again. That's one round. 

What you need: 100m flat surface, 100m incline surface

Duration 10 rounds for time

What you do: Do jumping burpees (push-up position/push-up/stand-up/leap forward) for 100m, walking lunges up the incline, jog back down, backwards jog 100m DO NOT REST and start again. That's one round.

What you need: Dumbbells (increase by 5lbs with each round if possible - I started at 20 and finished at 40)

What you need: 400m track

Duration: 10 rounds

What you do: Sprint the straightaways, walk the curves - feel the burn.

What you need: Jump rope, Box (I used 24in)

Duration 5 rounds:

What you do: 50 double unders, 20 box jumps. That's one round.

Duration: 3 rounds for time

What you do: First round: 21 reps of dumbbell thrusters (I use 30lb) / 10 bar-facing burpees (do burpee as usual, but when you jump, grab the bar and do a pull-up). Second round: 15 reps of dumbbell thrusters / 10 bar-facing burpees. Third round: 9 reps of dumbbell thrusters / 10 bar-facing burpees.

Milestone Workouts:

Do these every 30 days (not together) to see how you're improving!

Any other runners out there with a time crunch? How do you work your runs into the time you have available?

I've also, on three very separate occasions, been accused of stealing the car I was driving.

Most recently, I got a new car - 2011 Mercedes C300. I will proudly state this was not an extravagant purchase. It was actually more than $30 less a month than if I'd gone with my first choices of a Honda Accord, Ford Fusion or Volkswagen CC. . .sometimes the deals are in the last place you look. Of course, at this point I think maybe the extra money would have been worth it to avoid my current headaches. It turns out my car constantly thinks that I'm stealing it. From what I've been told, there is a glitch in the computer that causes the car to suddenly no longer remember the keys that have been programmed for it. So at any given moment my car will suddenly not recognize the key, deduce that it's being stolen and shut down. I found this out on Fourth of July when it decided to cease functioning on the side of a busy highway. . .in 100+ degree heat. I haven't had my car for four days and I'm not sure if I'll be getting it back or a new car in general. . .awesome? We shall see.

For a small window in time I had a 99 Jeep Cherokee. I've referenced this car before and my love for it. It saved my life in a car wreck that had the potential to leave me severely and permanently injured or, worse, dead. When I got the car it had a Viper alarm system already on it. I'd never had a car with keyless entry and loved the little lock chirp it made. A month into owning the car, I had a CD player installed so I could stop using my discman plugged in through the tape deck. Around the second month of me having the car, it got nailed by a hail storm. I mean completely dominated. The insurance company said I should total the car out because it would cost more to fix it. I said 'I'm keeping it' and continued to drive that bad boy around more pock marked than my adolescent face. 

Then the effects of the shoddy audio installation and the brutal hailstorm started to affect the car. Randomly I would drive and without warning my doors would start unlocking and locking at a furious pace. . .a few seconds later and my alarm would start going off at a deafening volume. On a couple different occasions this happened while I was stopped at a stoplight next to a cop. On each of these instances the cop did his due diligence and pulled me over. I would show him my license, insurance and proof of ownership and the cop would laugh and send me on my way.

Before my freshman year of college, I was helping a buddy move into an apartment in town. He had driven a U-Haul back from Arizona loaded up with furniture from his parent's vacation house and we were making a couple trips driving across town from his parent's house to his new place. After our third run in 100+ heat, we stopped at Arby's for some food (don't judge, I used to be fat). While in Arby's, a cop car drove by the U-Haul, then drove by again, then parked next to it and walked around. Then the cop came into Arby's, took a look around at everyone inside, got in his car and parked behind a dumpster. We all joked that he was coming for us. 

Bad joke.

We left Arby's (a buddy and me in the U-Haul, the renter of the U-Haul and another buddy following in another truck) and were quickly joined by the cop. Then another cop car. Then another. And then came the sirens. We pulled over and the cops approached the moving van with their guns drawn. Standing safely towards the back they screamed for my buddy to turn off the car, drop the keys out the window, then open the door from the outside. I was then instructed to also lower the passenger window, show my hands and open the door from the outside. I was searched, handcuffed and sat on the curb. Turns out the U-Haul had been stolen from the rental place in Arizona, then the owner found the truck, drove it back to the rental place and rented it to my buddy. . .all without calling off that it had been reported stolen. Apparently U-Haul trucks stolen in Arizona are used for trafficking people and drugs. The original cop had routinely scanned the plate, then on his walk around the car seen a sticker had been scratched off the license plate and the VIN had also been partially filed off. This made for a pretty compelling reason to call up some back-up and bust the the four white kids that didn't look a day over 16 decked out in Abercrombie and Fitch (don't judge, I used to be a douchebag).

We were all checked for any outstanding tickets/warrants/whatever, the cars were both searched thoroughly, we were given a stern warning on being underaged operators of a moving van and sent out our way. 

Anyone else ever accused of stealing their own car?

Then I stopped drinking milk, cut out sugary drinks and nixed carbonated drinks (minus beer. . .I'm not a saint!). That left me with only one option. . .water.

This morning, I was featured in an awesome post on MapMyRun (my favorite way to track my runs) detailing my path from healthy youth to unhealthy, chubby kid and back to healthy. In the post I mentioned that I drink 2-3 gallons of water a day and was asked by my social media amigo Michael how I managed to drink that much.

Well, for a nice breakdown, here you go:

There are 128 fluid ounces in a gallon. My preferred way to drink my water is out of one of the many Clean Bottles I keep in my room, in my car, in my office, etc - there's always one nearby. The Clean Bottle holds 22 ounces.

Thirsty yet? You're about to be.

• As soon as I wake up, I go for the water. Before I even start my morning workout or eat first breakfast (yes, there are two). That's 22oz.
• I drink another bottle while I eat first breakfast/play with the dog/fully wake up. Now we're at 440z consumed.
• I'll drink another bottle after my morning workout while I get ready for work. 66oz down. If I run in the morning you can add another bottle to this
• During the morning at work I usually have another and follow it up with another during lunch. 110oz down.
• In the afternoon I will drink at least one bottle, possibly two if I'm in meetings and talking a lot. To be fair, let's say a bottle and a half. 143oz down the hatch.
• At home I'll drink another bottle before going to workout and run. 165oz down.
• After workout and while I cook dinner I'll drink another 2-3 bottles depending on how hard the workout was. We'll say 2.5 bottles and that's 220oz.
• Depending on the next couple hours before bed I'll have another bottle or two usually finishing the second one before crashing for the night. That puts us at 264oz.

So there you have it. Anyone else on the water bandwagon like me?

The race was for a great cause and it's a really cool concept. Instead of running in the morning like most races in the area, this one is done at night. Participants are given blinking armbands and glow-in-the-dark bracelets and encouraged to dress for the occasion. Like all races, there were people dressed to have fun and others dressed for business. One guy was literally dressed for business and ran in a full suit. . .in June. . .in Texas. It was hot.

Sadly, this race was a complete bust from the minute we parked. Red flags to pack it in and head out were all over the place, but we'd paid or $40 and we were determined to run. So let's break it down:

I have a really hard time with packet pick-ups at 99% of the races. I don't have the time to leave my office during lunch, so when packet pick-up is between 8am and 6pm during the week, I have to get my gear on race day. This means I get to suffer through a long line, I get that, but even the longest lines move quickly when the race is organized well. 

This was not one of those races.

Since race day packet pick-up wasn't opened until 90 minutes before the race, you had close to 1,000 people (if not more) NOT including those hoping to register trying to get their bibs and gear. This meant despite arriving on time, we waited in line for an hour before arriving to the log jam - a woman saying we needed to get our bib numbers from her before we could pick up our packets. One woman. For 1,000+ people. With one list of names. Yea. Seriously.

So by the time we had our race bibs and had a chance to stash our merch with friends who wisely chose to participate in the race by tailgating the finish line, it was time to race. I hadn't really had a chance to stretch, I was wedged in with a bunch of people wearing oversized fairy wings and goofy hats and the dreaded stroller runners/walkers. . .awesome. The race began and I did my usual deadsprint for the first couple minutes to beat the crowd. 

But the crowd would not be beaten!

The race route was planned terribly. After running one way for 3/4 mile, we had to cut back and run back down the same route. This meant I was now running back into the throng of people I had just busted my ass to avoid. The massive crowd wasn't paying attention to the race route or that there were people running back towards them. Picture this scene. A sweaty (yes, already, it was above 90), guy wearing flashing lights running directly into a sea of people while screaming like a mad man. I literally shouted until my voice was hoarse to try and get people's attention that we were headed back down the hill. Did people acknowledge this? No. Did I end up elbowing some people (un?)intentionally? Yes. Did I get elbowed by a few people (un?)intentionally? Yes. I finally made it through the crowd and was free and clear again.

But did you really think it was going to be that easy?

I ran past the first water station and avoided it. I usually don't grab a water during a 5k or 10k, and when I do I make sure I'm more than halfway done. So I chugged along down the route where we had to do ANOTHER cutback sending me back, screaming like a madman, into another crowd of people. A few minutes later I was on an almost deserted street, finally able to hit my normal stride. . .for five minutes. Then I was back at the start of the race.

When I got to the finish/start line again, the crowd wasn't thick yet, but I had heard that it caused quite the bit of confusion for other runners. It was unclear where to go to finish the race or continue the 10k. Some runners accidentally crossed the finish and their 10k times weren't registered. Unexcusable.

I made it about a mile through the 10k (just passed the stupid cut back) when I ran into a brick wall. . .of people. . .walking. This is why you don't loop a 10k. The fun walkers were doing just that. . .walking, having fun, laughing, chatting, etc. They started in the back and I can't get mad at them for being in my way now, this fall's on the organizer. However, here's where I CAN get mad at the fun walkers.

My second loop around, I was in need of a quick drink. When I got to the ONE water station I saw it was being used for social hour. A swarm of people laughing, joking, glugging down cup after cup. I didn't want to wreck my time trying to fight for a cup of water and so I pushed ahead sans drink (no, I don't advocate this idea. . .always make sure you're hydrated).

I finished the race after a glorious sprint the last 1/4 mile passing the two guys I had been pacing (I also beat the weirdo shirtless guy with nipple rings I see at EVERY SINGLE RACE). When I finished, though, there was no one to direct me to where I could get some water. I asked a lady carrying 5 bottles where she got hers and she said 'From over there, but they're out.' Of course, she did not offer me one of her five. I finally found a volunteer who said 'I think we're out.' Luckily, they weren't, the volunteer was just clueless, and I finally got some hydration.

I wanted to stick around to see if I had placed in my age group, but a volunteer couldn't tell me when they would be announcing winners. He did say if I wanted I could peruse the massive sheet of runners to see my clock time. . .but I had to know my clock time to do so. I'm not even going to start ranting on this one. . .too much anger for such stupidity. I did also hear a guy complaining to volunteers about parking. It seems some cars had been permitted to park in the parking lot of the after party. . .which was going to be closed to entry or exit for the next few hours. Awesome.

When it was all said and done I placed 3rd in my age group. I loved the concept, loved that the registration money went to a great cause and loved running the race with friends. . .but I will absolutely not sign up for this one again.

1. Mullet Line-Up: Like the hairstyle, a race lineup should be all business up front and a party in the back. You know if you're slow. If you aren't sure if you're a slow runner or not. . .you're slow. Go to the back or middle. The front is for the ultra serious 'I have to PR!' runners. They will push you, swear at you and be more than a little frustrated if they cross the starting line and are immediately brick-walled by a bunch of people walking with linked arms. 
2. You're A Car. . .with legs: The rules of driving apply to running a race. If you're slower stick to the right, pass on the left, don't maniacally weave in and out of people, that will cause an accident. These three words will make your life infinitely easier: 'On your left!'
3. The Water Station Is Not The Water Cooler: Grab a cup and go. One cup. If you are a thirsty runner, please have a water bottle with you and keep it moving. The water station is not a place to crowd around and have a couple casual cups while talking to staff.
4. Be Aware: Last fall a runner died here in Dallas after being struck by a cyclist on a popular running trail. The runner had headphones in and turned into the path of the cyclist. I'm not pointing fingers at either party involved, but this could have easily been prevented. If you insist on running with headphones, keep the music low so you can hear what's going on around you.
5. Clear the Finish: You finished the race - way to go! Now kindly get the hell out of the way. Lots of runners will sprint the final leg with a last minute adrenaline rush. If you have just crossed the finish line and immediately stop, you run the risk of being hit. Cross the line and keep it moving until you're out of the way.

I honestly feel that every race registration e-mail should include these five tips. I'm not re-inventing the wheel with these points, and I'm surely not the only one that sees these problems at every race they run. What are you race day aggravations?

This is for a 10k miles/year lease and there are going to almost always be some additional fees not included you'll also have to pay at signing (registration, tax, title, license, etc).

So. . .

After walking me through the car lot yesterday to look at colors and not letting me test drive a car, we sat down and I was quoted this:

Wait, what? Let's double check some numbers here. $2250 in credits that can be applied on the cash due at signing means $1644 due at signing on a 33-month lease. Assuming I do no money down I can expect my payments to be between $400-435 a month (give or take $10). 

So how did we get to this number?

I was wondering that myself, but at this moment I was told by the salesman that a 'big fish' had just entered the dealership and that I would need to wait. Luckily it was smoothed over with 'But you understand right? You won't hold it against me?'

No, I don't understand. I also don't understand why my quoted payment is more than $100 what I expected and why I still haven't been permitted to test drive the car. I also don't understand why you kept trying to upsell me on the automatic steering wheel adjuster. 

What I hope you understand is that after purchasing three much nicer cars from you in the past, my family will be seeking deals elsewhere. 

What I DO understand is the other dealership I called that was willing to treat me like a human being and let me test drive a car before insisting we sit down to 'crunch numbers.' When we did start talking numbers, they were in the range I had accurately estimated. As someone who has leased cars for more than a decade, I'm really starting to get sick of this shit.

I'm halfway through 'The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest' and knew if I opened it up I would be awake until sunrise trying to finish. . .so I turned the TV back on to fall asleep listening to the Food Channel. 

That's when I saw this guy.

Don't you want to punch him in the face? This is Rahm Fama, host of The Food Network's terribly produced show Meat and Potatoes. According to his bio, he's quite the accomplished executive chef having done time at places like The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs and The Lodge in Vail. Of course, I didn't know this until I had watched enough of the show to be convinced the host was a blubbering, uneducated, poor man's Andrew Zimmern mugging for the camera. 

I can't tell if the portrayal of Fama is so terrible because of the shoddy producing or because he simply has no clue what to do in front of the camera, but the video below should be all the proof you need that this show has been on the air for way too long. 

And the kicker? THIS HAS BEEN ON FOR TWO GODDAMN SEASONS! That means he's been making faces likes this for 21 episodes.

Fama and Guy Fieri are two of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Oh well, at least I can always watch the quality programming on Cooking Channel

Shit.

I've narrowed it down to 6 cars and SUVs I like and planned on getting all the test driving done this past weekend. After that I'd figure the vehicles I really enjoyed driving, negotiate price and go with the lowest payment. Easy, right? 

Not so fast, kemosabe. What kind of a blog post would this be if it was easy?

At the last minute I called an audible and swung by a Honda dealership because it was on my way home. I test drove the CR-V and was pleasantly surprised with how it drove. I was happy with the sticker price and the features that came along with it (leather, sunroof, upgraded stereo, bluetooth, etc.). I was not happy with being repeatedly strong-armed by the sales guy. Making a personal connection is a good plan when doing sales (when I used to do sales I would often tell admins they had the same name as my mom/girlfriend/sister/daughter/niece. Cheesy? Absolutely. Effective to break the ice? Absolutely. 

That being said, trying to relate to me by saying you think Ollie is a dumb name for my dog? Bad idea. Telling me I was an idiot for ever switching from driving a Honda? Idiotic. Incorrectly explaining to me how a turn-in on a lease works to try and get a sale that will cost me, the customer, a lot more money and stress? Completely moronic.

After being berated, insulted and treated like an absolute idiot (which I have absolutely no patience for), I tried to leave. I was then approached by the sales guy I had been putting up with and his manager. They sat me down and once again tried to strong arm me into buying a car that day. I repeated I had no interest in buying for the millionth time but they kept at it. So I said, 'OK, name your best price on this model on a 36/39 month lease with 12k miles a year and no money down.' The sticker on the car was $27k. The MSRP was $24.5k. The price of the car according to their lease? $29.8k. 

I told them their price point was way off to get me to agree to a sale and that it didn't match up to what the sticker on the car was. They told me they were giving me the best deal possible and that it wouldn't get any lower. I asked if they were sure. They were extremely confident in their yes. 

Without getting up from the table, I pulled out my iPhone, Googled their competitor, called them and asked to speak with a new car sales manager (always ask for the manager). I told the manager I was currently sitting at the other dealership and I had been quoted a ridiculously high number on a CR-V lease. I told the manager the number and he responded with a price point almost $70 less per month on the same terms. I relayed the info to the sales guys sitting across from me giving me the death stare and the manager immediately fired back with a price $15 a month less than the guy on the phone. 

I hung up the phone, stood up and walked out of the dealership without saying a word. As far as they know, I went and got a car from the other dealership that day. Then I got the following e-mail this morning. . .